Celebrating the beauty while holding space for the hard

Let’s talk about that strange dance we do as humans ..

The one where you’re laughing and grieving. Where your heart is full and heavy.Where life feels rich and good and somehow tender and raw all at once.

We live in a culture that’s obsessed with binary thinking. Either/or, good/bad, fixed/broken, healed/unhealed. 

But guess what?

Our bodies know better. Our bodies are plural by design. They were made to hold all of it.

That burst of gratitude you feel on a Sunday morning walk is as real as the tightness in your chest when you think about that thing you still haven’t processed. Both can belong. Both do belong. At the same time. 

And here's the beauty of it all: when we honour the entire spectrum of our experience without bypassing or bracing we gently expand our window of tolerance. We wire in safety. We deepen our capacity to hold what's hard with what’s good.

Your nervous system is wise. And it wants to help you.

When you notice yourself tense up, react, withdraw, lash out, or feel overwhelmed- that’s not failure or you being a “bad” person. That’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do - protecting you and keeping you safe.

You don’t need to "get over it", or “just deal with it”. You get to be with it.

How do we do this without feeling overwhelmed I hear you ask. Well, my friend, the answer lies in pendulation. 

Pendulation: a fancy word for nervous system magic

Pendulation is the natural rhythm of moving between activation (stress, fear, overwhelm) and regulation (ease, pleasure, connection). When we learn to gently pendulate between what feels hard and what feels good- between the shadow and the light- we tell our nervous system:

“I can feel this and still be safe.”
“I can hold this without drowning.”
“I can honour this and still find joy.”

THIS is how we build new circuitry. By proving slowly, gently, again and again. And in a way that your body can trust.

You don’t have to stay stuck in a place that feels hard. But you also don’t have to force yourself to jump straight into gratitude or presence or joy. This is called spiritual bypassing and its not at all helpful. 

You can move between. Back and forth. 

That’s how we stretch the edges of our capacity and we grow.

Real self-love is messy. And plural.

It doesn’t mean you only celebrate the moments that feel sparkly. It means you celebrate yourself, even in the mess.

You let the tears fall and still take that walk. You name the ache and still reach for pleasure. You feel the fear and still try something new.

So here’s your reminder today: You don’t have to be only okay or only struggling. You’re allowed to be both.

That’s wholeness.

If you’re feeling the pull to explore this more deeply - to learn the how, to feel more safe in your body, and to have someone lovingly holding space for all the versions of you - I invite you into my 1:1 coaching program. It’s a gentle, transformative container where we move at your pace, with your nervous system leading the way. 

You can read more and book a free clarity call right here.